


It Sure is Hard to Ignore the Strange Things You Say Sometimes

by defuse00



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternia is Terrible, Background Equius Zahhak, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, F/M, One-sided black attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 20:11:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13395363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/defuse00/pseuds/defuse00
Summary: Terezi has always hated Gamzee.  Even before he was sober, even before Sgrub.  Let's take a look at that.





	It Sure is Hard to Ignore the Strange Things You Say Sometimes

You've hated Gamzee ever since you knew him. There was a always a great deal of information you didn't know. The unknown isn't evidence, but everything you did learn about him only opened more questions. Sometimes he seemed to know that he was a contradiction, a clown who didn't seem to know he was a clown. But he was always *so* frustrating. You hate him more than you hate anyone.

You first met Gamzee third-hand. Vriska was complaining about Equius after a FLARP session.

"And Zahhak is so fucking loud sometimes. When he's fighting his robots in the morning, it keeps me awake, you know?" she asks.

You nod along. Vriska's been getting more agitated lately. You imagine it's natural for her shade to be ambitious, but you need her around. Hopefully getting her to think about her neighbor that she can't fight with any real chance of victory will get her to chill. "Does he talk to any other trolls?" you ask.

Vriska thinks for a moment, "Well, he's got a morial, so he's okay on that front. Doesn't stop him from being a sad sack of shit most of the time." She seems to remember something. "There's this one troll he talks to, Makara. He's hilarious. He's got a sopor addiction, but he's a fucking clown. Equius looks up to him since he's all wrapped up in the whole blood hierarchy thing, but he can't stand the guy, since he's an idiot."

You laugh. The idea of a sopor addicted clown is hilarious. Psionics would be shot to hell, any kind of killer instinct lost under the pan rotting effects of sopor. The fact that Vriska's neighbor is so enthralled by him is even funnier.

You had a close call with sopor yourself, due to your lack of an effective lusus. No one could tell two sweep old Terezi, grub scars still fresh, not to eat the green stuff. It was the same color as her, and there was plenty of it. So she ate more, and more. A few nights later, you woke up, nearly dead, and decided not to do that again. But if things had gone differently...

You decide to contact this idiot clown. He'll be a grim reminder of what could have happened, an entertaining distraction, and valuable information on how purples acted. You've never faced one in FLARP, but you know a few participate heavily. You want to bring one of them to justice soon, for their multitude of crimes, but a good legislatcor knows when to only go in if you know what you want. The knowledge will be invaluable.

You get the clown's Trollian username and add him, but it's too close to morning to risk talking to him. You still had eyes to keep safe then. When you wake up and check your Trollian, you're startled from a moment of the purple in your TrollSlum. But then you remember why you added him. You smile and decide to troll him. 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] started trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

GC: WHY H3LLO TH3R3 G4MZ33   
TC: WhOa ThErE,  
TC: WhAt KiNd Of MoThErFuCkInG mIrAcLe Is ThIs  
TC: I wAs AlL uP aNd ThInKiNg,  
TC: WhAt If A mOtHeRfUcKeR aLl Up AnD tRoLlEd Me OuT oF nOwHeRe?  
TC: LiKe SoMe KiNd Of SuRpRiSe FrOm A mIrAcLe BoX.  
TC: AnD tHeN, iT hApPeNeD.  
TC: WhAtS tHiS mOtHeRfUcKeR wAnT?   
GC: FR13ND OF M1N3 TOLD M3 YOU H4D SOM3 1NT3R3ST1NG TH1NGS TO S4Y   
TC: Is ThAt MoThErFuCkInG rIgHt?  
TC: I dOn'T kNoW aNyOnE wHo Be AlL uP aNd SaYiNg ThAt KiNdA tHiNg.  
TC: So YoU sHoUlD mAkE sUrE tHeY mEaNt Me, AnD nOt SoMe OtHeR cLoWn. 

This is not how you expected this conversation to go. You were expecting someone so dumb that they couldn't tell you from anyone else, or a clown that was a little confused. This is neither. You decide to try and get him off balance. 

GC: >:O  
GC: WHO WOULD D4R3 M1SD1R3CT M3  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 4NY 3N3M13S WHO WOULD DO TH1S TO YOU   
TC: No WaY tEaLsIb  
TC: I dOn'T kNoW aNy MoThErFuCkEr WhO wOuLd Be AlL uP aNd HuRtInG mE  
TC: I'vE dOnE nOtHiNg BuT tHe MoSt MiRtHfUl Of AcTs At ThEm  
TC: AlL uP aNd ShOwInG tHeM hOw BiTcHtItS nIcE i CaN bE

What? He's talking like a subjugglator, but he sure as hell doesn't act like one. Is he just really confused on how the church works or is he faking it? 

GC: 1NT3R3ST1NG  
GC: 1 W1LL 1NV3ST1G4T3 FURTH3R  
GC: TH4NK YOU FOR TH3 H3LP  
GC: 1 W1LL QU3ST1ON YOU 4G41N 1N TH3 FUTUR3  
GC: SO B3 R34DY   
TC: AlRiGhT mOtHeRfUcKeR  
TC: I'lL bE uP aNd WaItInG

In any other context, that would be a threat. Does he know that? This may have been the most frustrating conversation you've ever been in, and you're not even sure if Gamzee knows that! 

You don't message Gamzee much. Every conversation is as mysterious as the first, and you can feel your black feelings stirring for him. But it makes you feel guilty too. Almost every conversation puts Gamzee on the back foot, but he doesn't stop bothering you even when he's apologizing. You're not sure a sopor addict would make a good rival, even if he is a clown. You could probably pressure him into it, but that wouldn't be a real rivalry. So you keep your feelings quiet, and try to talk to him as little as possible. 

A sweep or so later, you're talking to Karkat. Your nights are fairly boring, now that you don't do FLARP anymore. You can only have so many trials in a night. Karkat is similarly bored, for reasons that he doesn't share but you could guess (can't go out because of his blood). You two are talking about the relationship drama in your friend group. 

CG: I MEAN, I DON'T THINK TAVROS NEEDS A PALE RELATIONSHIP  
CG: SURE, MAYBE SOME DISTANCE FROM VRISKA WOULD HELP BUT THE IDIOT ALREADY TALKS TO HER WITHOUT ENCOURAGEMENT.  
CG: HE DOESN'T NEED ANOTHER HIGHBLOOD PRESSURING HIM TO DO THINGS, EVEN IF THEY ARE FOR HIS OWN GOOD.  
CG: I'D ARGUE HE NEEDS A MATESPRITE.  
CG: SOMEONE IN HIS FUCKING CORNER SO THAT HE CAN GROW A BACKBONE.   
GC: R34LLY  
GC: YOU TH1NK H1S MOR14L WOULDNT B3 SUPPORT1V3   
CG: FUCK YOU FOR PUTTING WORDS IN MY MOUTH AND FUCK YOU FOR SAYING THAT.  
CG: EVEN IF HIS MORIAL SUPPORTED HIM IN EVERYTHING.  
CG: I THINK THEY'D TRY TO DO TOO MUCH TOO FAST.  
CG: AND MAKE A GIANT SHITTY MESS.  
CG: LIKE RIGHT NOW,  
CG: I'VE GOT SOMEONE I'M KIND OF PALE TOWARDS.  
CG: AND GOD KNOWS THEY'VE GOT ISSUES.  
CG: AND I'M TAKING IT SLOW SO I DON'T FUCKING BREAK ANYTHING I CAN'T REPAIR,  
CG: BUT I'M DOING BETTER THAN ANY ONE ELSE.   
GC: >:O  
GC: K4RK4T H4S 4 P4L3 CRUSH  
GC: 1 THOUGHT YOU W3R3 TOO MUCH OF 4 B4D4SS FOR TH4T K1ND OF TH1NG   
CG: FUCK YOU, PERFECTLY BADASS PEOPLE HAVE MORIALS.  
CG: MOST MILITARY LEADERS HAVE MORIALS,  
CG: INCLUDING 82.4% OF ALL GENERALS.   
GC: WHO 1S TH1S MYST3R1OUS TROLL WHO H4S STOL3N YOUR D14MOND   
CG: WELL,  
CG: IT'S NOT OFFICIAL OR ANYTHING.  
CG: BUT  
CG: HE'S A SOPOR ADDICT  
CG: BUT ALSO A CLOWN  
CG: SO HE COULD PROBABLY KILL A BUNCH OF PEOPLE IF HE WANTED TOO.  
CG: BUT SOMETIMES HE CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT COLOR THE MOONS ARE.  
CG: IT'S KIND OF FUCKING DISGUSTING.   
GC: SP4R3 M3 YOUR P4L3 PO3TRY  
GC: 1S 1T G4MZ33   
CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?   
GC: 1 M3T H1M 4 WH1L3 4GO  
GC: H3 S33M3D STR4NG3  
GC: BUT OK4Y 3NOUGH  
GC: HOW 4R3 YOU D34L1NG W1TH N3P3T4S 4DV4NC3S

The conversation moves away from dangerous topics and back to shallow water. But you think you might need to intimidate him some. Defend your friend(from what? A harmless idiot?). 

gallowsCalibrator [TC] started trolling terminallyCapacious [TC]

GC: 1 H34RD YOUV3 B33N BOTH3R1NG 4 FR13ND OF M1N3   
TC: WhOa ThErE lAwSiS  
TC: ThAt'S nO mOtHeRfUcKiNg WaY tO oPeN a CoNvErSaTiOn  
TC: YoU gOt To GeT yOuR bItChTiTs InTrOdUcTiOn On  
TC: YoU'lL sTaRtLe A mOtHeRfUcKeR oThErWiSe   
GC: 1 DONT H4V3 T1M3 FOR YOUR ST4LL1NG  
GC: 1 ONLY H4V3 T1M3 FOR JUST1C3   
TC: ThAt SoUnDs MoThErFuCkInG wIcKeD  
TC: LeGiSlAtE aWaY lAwSiS  
TC: PuNiSh ThE uNmIrThFuL

Does he know how entangled Empire law is with the church? Is he actually enthusiastic about this or has he forgotten how this conversation started? You've barely started talking to him and you're already frustrated. You push onward. 

GC: 1 H34RD YOUV3 B33N T4LK1NG TO K4RK4T 4 LOT  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 4NYTH1NG TO S4Y FOR YOURS3LF   
TC: Oh YeAh, My MoThErFuCkInG bEsT fRiEnD  
TC: KaRkAt'S tHe BeSt ThInG a ClOwN lIkE mE cOuLd WaNt  
TC: He'S gOt ThAt HaRsHwHiMsY eXtErIoR  
TC: BuT hE's GoT aLl ThEsE mIrAcLeS oN tHe InSiDe  
TC: YoU jUsT gOt To AlL uP aNd MoVe YoUr MoUtH aT hIm  
TC: AnD yOu GeT a BuNcH oF mIrAcLeS aNd ShIt BaCk  
TC: ShIt, WhAt WaS tHe QuEsTiOn?

You sigh and put your head in your hands. Why is Gamzee so good and bad at conversation at the same time? Is he avoiding saying anything revealing on purpose or does he really have nothing to say? Your hate tempts you to do something mean, to lie about what Karkat said about him. But you decide against it. For Karkat's sake.

GC: W3LL GOOD FOR YOU  
GC: YOU B3TT3R B3 ON YOUR B3ST B3H4V1OR W1TH H1M   
TC: SuRe FuCkInG tHiNg SiS  
TC: I'lL tReAt HiM mOrE mIrThFuLlY tHaN i TrEaT aNyOnE  
TC: ThAt SoUnD mOtHeRfUcKiNg GoOd To YoU?   
GC: SUR3   
gallowsCalibrator [GC] stopped trolling terminallyCapricious [TC]

You're not sure who had the upper hand in that conversation. You're not even sure if Gamzee knew there was an attempt to get information from him. You can definitely tell, however, that your black feelings get in the way of helping your friend. You elect to try not to get in the way. Your suspicions of Gamzee are as high as ever, but the court is too biased to judge him fairly. You'll just have to deal with the risks. 


End file.
